2011 Birthday celebration

Bila, ku buka mata ku
Ku lihat wajahmu

Good morning to you! The first ever thing that came my mind this morning was you. After so long, I know my heart is still missing someone that is so important to me.

Let share some happening event this month. Time flies, and the last post was in August. Woot~~ it’s two months down the road already.

My birthday has just passed. Without knowing it, this round was the second year you’re not around with me. Wonder will there by any chance that we’ll be able to meet up again and to celebrate the wonderful event together? Well.. it was just a dream, I know. Everytime argue, is my fault. Jealousy took you away. The only thing I can do.. hmm… wait lo… But yet, again I still need to say… You’re still so lovely. Hehe….

Hosanna (Be Lifted Higher) “God Is Our Victory” – True Worshippers

It’s nice.. Played this in church last Sunday, and will be playing this Sunday as well hopefully. Has been quite sometime not playing the guitar. Challenge here is not to play the song, the challenge is how to play the song nicely, playing and syncing in a team. The other challenges are, how to play the song with the same kind of feeling plus, leading the congregations to worship the Almighty – that’s the challenge.

Hope and pray that I’ll be in time coming back from north this Saturday, so that i can serve Him. Never had that kind of wonderful feeling before. It was anxious last week when we needed to play this song & the rest of the songs, but we’re glad that He led the whole serving! Praise Him!

Enjoy the video..

 

 Uploaded a video taken during the service… =)

The day that has began..

Don’t you think it’s lovely?

Silly-ly waiting days after days, months after months, year after year…… Every morning waiting in front of the screen just to hope that you’re there online – hoping that you’re punctual at work. Every now and then when your name doesn’t appears, my heart somehow will have an urge to call you — yeah, I know.. it’s already none of my business ma, right?

Whereas, you’re there happily ever enjoying your every moment with your partner at scenic places. Wondering, was that a real silly me, or someone you once classify as not able to lose punya loser? Well, I do admit that I do not like the way of losing, especially losing the precious you.

Finding myself, a day by day – losing my track, losing my appetite, losing my trail on you. Missing you so much. Really wish that i can post this in facebook wall, and let you know that i have never forgotten you, never forgotten how our days was spent. Today, looking at the pictures you’ve posted in FB, really hurts a lot. Things that I have never wanted and wish it happens, has happened. Trips, vacations… so many things, i just can’t get those evil thought out of mind, neither could i get you out of my mind.

I had a church friend who posted “Out of sight, out of mind; fail to plan — planning to fail”. It’s how true and how it does really works, universaly-but, not on me. Out of sight, will only keep you in my mind. Fail to plan, will only flight the plane. I’ve missed your presence in my life because i’ve failed to plan. In fact, I have never planned. The moment we begins, I would already have the idea that we’re the right couple because you will in love with me deep deep. But, realise it doesn’t rhyme that way, but on the flip side — the other way round. I loves you more than you do.

Really missing you so much, and i have been asking myself round after round. Will i still choose the same partner if i’m given the chance, — for you, the answer is yes. And i asked myself, will i be taking the same route — for us, i replied a no. Because, i have never treat you good before. I have never pampered you dearly as what a hubby suppose to do. All i know was to hurt you, make you cry, make you sad and make you worry of this and that, especially on the financial constraint. I’m just so useless.

This few days i was caught awake half way sleeping and i woke to refresh my web browser of your FB’s account. Dreamt that you were photo tagged with him again. The same dream continues for days. Today, it came true. The only difference was, you’re the tagger. Haha…

If i can ever trade one thing in my life to replace of you, i would have opted so… I really don’t know what i’m waiting for, and should i continues to wait. All fault lies on me as i’ve brought you to such events…. Am so sorry….

Diary for the day

In company annual dinner and people having a lots of fun here — except me. I’m very new here and managed to meet new people today and, they indeed very friendly.

Out of sudden, I really wanted to cry out aloud without thinking who am I, where am I!

I’m just so stress.

I’m already deep down with financial constraint and having with numerous difficult at work, but yet, I have to stand strong and hide the fright feeling. And yet, today my dad said he tendered resignation. My mom is not working and my bro is starting his own family end of the year. Who am I able to call help from?

Second, my ministry in church has been deteriorating year by year. But I’m still held responsibilities of cell group, guitar and PA. It has been months since we last have cell group. My PA member leaving one by one, and everyone is relying on me now. My guitar…sigh.. It has been a year since my last touch on it!!

Last but not least, I still love the girl I met so much. Zean, I really miss you so much. But, you’ll no longer available to me anymore and I just know it will never able to be together anymore. I’m so stress out..who can I talk to?

God… I really wanna wept. I really wanna cry. A simple smile, and a simple laugh, with a simple easy-going guy has reach it’s max capacity. God, you’re all I need and all I want. But, where are you? I’m so tired…..

A relationship is like a balloon

A relationship is like a balloon. When you first blow in, it grows and you delighted. But, never over stretched a balloon as it burst.

A relations failed because of over-stress and words will out-burst. At least, it was a good memory back then, with loads of fun.

2nd day of training. Have to keep you outta my mind as too many things in mind, i won’t tend to concentrate in class, especially when you’re always my priority. <3

Loves,
EdRen^^

My little journey…

Well, I’m suppose to sleep by now but I can’t. I am just so tired of the day, but had just got myself out of bed and made a cup of coffee.

There goes my first week at my new work place and, i don’t seems to be able to cope in it.

Last Friday, I met a girl during my trip on the LRT to Sri Petaling. We had a chat but I did not take her name and her number. Everytime when I wanted to ask where she work/study, what she does, her number and her name.. Your face popped up. All I could think of at that point of time was, you. I really miss you so much and don’t wish to start a new relationship with your memory still wandering around my head. In the end, the only thing I know of this girl was, she stays in Serdang, near my grandma’s house.

Today, again I saw you were tagged. It reminds me of one thing, I didn’t really bring you out during our dating for the past 9 months. All we did was, stay in door, head to IOI Mall, church, Genting, and the most.. Hatyai. And, none of those really ended well. I’m just a scum, right? Unlike the days you having now.. enjoying with a bunch of friends.

I miss you so much, BBQ.